The Foundation 9/19/96 Susan's parents decide to create a foundation in the memory of Susan and want George to be on the board of directors. And it's all Jerry's fault for quoting from Star Trek II. While at the meetings, George learns that he would have had access to a townhouse and a beach house in the Hamptons. Also, Susan's doll collection is worth $2.5 million.
The Soul Mate 9/26/96 At the beginning of the episode, George and Jerry are talking about prison. George says he loves the whole idea of prison and maybe someday he would be there (a prophetic statement!). George, being his paranoid self, thinks that the foundation thinks he killed Susan. Jerry gives him an idea to check up on it: leave behind a running tape recorder in a briefcase at a meeting (Jerry Lewis used to do it). Something goes wrong with the tape and George goes nuts and builds a model of the meeting room (he's the red power ranger). Ultimately, nothing sinister happened. But the foundation does think he killed Susan.
The Bizarro Jerry 10/3/96 George states if he was taken by aliens, he would rather be in the zoo. One of George's talents or hobbies is knowing the best bathrooms in the city. The best one in midtown is at Brandt Leland Investments (where Kramer sort of gets a job). There, George spots a secretary who is gorgeous, Amanda. Jerry suggests using his engagement story to win her over. But George takes it one step further by using a picture of one of Elaine's friends, Jillian-the one with man hands. He goes back to Leland and says he as an appointment to see Art Vandelay and drops the picture. He's in the castle now! But blows it when he burns the picture of Jillian. Also of note: Gene is the Bizarro George.
The Little Kicks 10/10/96 George crashes Elaine's Peterman bash and goes after Anna with a bad boy image. He describes Elaine's dancing as a full body dry heave set to music. His bad boy image does him good until Elaine blows it by encouraging the relationship and saying George is a good guy. To remedy the situation, George becomes a bootlegger and is arrested, where Elaine and Frank go to blows.
The Package 10/17/96 Sheila, a girl who works in a photo shop, notices George and hopes he got the mustard stain out of his shirt. Back at Jerry's, George discovers a picture that was "slipped" into his and he thinks it is Sheila trying to seduce him. Egged on by Kramer, George agrees to seduce Sheila by placing some erotic photos of himself in the film. But it backfires when Sheila gives the film to Ron, a rather large man, the film and Ron falls for George. George succesfully asks Sheila out but is busted when Newman believes George is behind a mail order pornography ring.
The Fatigues 10/31/96 George has to give a lecture on Risk Management because his resume says he's an expert on the topic. He gets a book, but can't read it. He needs to have books on tape, but no textbooks are on tape. Until he meets a blind man on the subway. George pretends to be blind to get the book on tape, but then can't stand it because the guy on tape sounds just like him. But then he mentors Jerry's girlfriend and convinces her to read it an write it up for him. Except the notes get mixed up with Jerry's routine for Banya on ovaltine. Why don't they call it roundtine?
The Checks 11/7/96 George thinks that umbrellas are free because you can get them in coffee shops. He hires the Sunshine Carpet Cleaners to clean his carpets for $25 and then finds out that they are a cult. Excecpt, they won't recruit George. Another scheme he had involved Jerry and his popularity on Japanese TV. He decides to sell the pilot "Jerry" to NBC (Nakahama Broadcasting Corporation) and gets the Japanese tourists Kramer is showing around to vouch for the show. It of course fails, but George likes Ms. Yoshimura.
The Chicken Roaster 11/14/96 George gets a sable hat on the Peterman account from Elaine and tries to date the saleswoman, Heather. His first date involves him accomponying her on her errands. His idea to get another date involves the leave-behind and a jingle (cooooo-stanza--like mennen). This at first fails, and he steals her clock. But his jingle has worked wonders--Heather can't get it out of her head.
The Abstinence 11/21/96 George's newest girlfriend, Louise, is diagnosed with mono and can't have sex for six weeks. Without sex, George does not obsess over it and becomes smart. In fact, he even tries to teach Derek Jeter and Bernie Williams how to hit. And he is able to speak Portugese. But he breaks up with Louise when he does not have sex with her when she is misdiagnosed. So he has sex with a Portugese waitress at Monk's and goes stupid again.
The Andrea Doria 12/19/96 George has some exciting news--he's moving across the hall to a bigger apartment, until an Andrea Doria survivor crashes his boat, Mr. Eldridge. To get what is rightfully his, he spills his life story--handcuffed to the bed, shrinkage, marble rye, and the invitations. But he loses the apartment when Elaine stabs her boyfriend, Allen, with a fork in the forehead.
The Little Jerry 1/9/97 George has to visit a women's prison because the Foundation has made a donation. There, he meets a prisoner, Cilia Morgan and asks her out (she's in for embezzlement). George just loves the idea of dating a prisoner because there is no pop in and the conjugal visit sex. Later, he learns that Cilia is up for parole and he freaks out and tries to sabatoge her parole hearing. It works, but Cilia breaks out and George gets fugitive sex! She's late caught and the police think that Elaine's boyfriend is George.
The Money 1/16/97 George thinks Elaine is sticking it to him because she makes more money. He soon gets the idea that he is sitting on a gold mine--his parents and his inheritance. So to show up Elaine, he takes out the Seinfelds and Elaine to dinner where they run into Frank and Estelle--who are out on the town blowing his inheritance. They even buy a cadillac and end up moving to Del Boca Vista, but move back.
The Comeback 1/30/97 George gets zinged at a meeting by Riley, but doesn't have a good comeback until much later in the day. "The jerk store called, and they're running out of you." He can't use it because Riley has been fired and took a job in Akron, Ohio. So George flies all they way there just to zing him. He gets his chance, but Riley has a comeback and George doesn't--until he's driving home from the airport.
The Van Buren Boys 2/6/97 Jerry accuses George of wearing lifts in his shoes. And he has a new task-the Foundation has set up a scholarship to honor high school students and George has to interview prospective students. He rejects almost everyone (favorite animal-frog, too high GPA, tilted harps), until he meets Steven Coren with a 2.0 GPA with aspirations to be an architect. But Steven tells the Foundation he wants to be a city planner and George yanks the scholarship. Meanwhile, Jerry is dating a loser and George and Kramer try an intervention. Then, the Van Buren Boys (they admire President Van Buren, the eighth president) intervene on behalf of Steven and force George to prove he was a former member by making him rob someone (the Seinfelds).
The Susie 2/13/97 George thinks he'd get $300 a night as a gigolo. He's also got a party to go to and buys a new tuxedo for the Pinstripe Ball at the Tavern at the Green in Central Park. His date is Allison, but she says she needs to talk to him. He thinks this is a bad sign and tells her he's out of soda and flees to Jerry's. George goes out of his way to avoid her. He even screens his calls and we get to hear his phone message, set to the Greatest American Hero. Kramer intervenes and he breaks up with George on behalf of Allison. George then tries to make up with Allison through Kramer, Kramer takes him bak but Allison does not. They go to the ball together.
The Pothole 2/20/97 George has a new key chain--a Phil Rizzuto one given out by Steinbrenner. But somehow, George loses his keychain and must find it because he has no spare keys--the keys end up in a pothole that has been filled and he must use a jackhammer to get them out. He hits the water main and the toilets blow and Jerry freaks out.
The English Patient 3/13/97 While waiting for his surprise dish, a halibut omelette, a woman (Danielle) comes up to George and mistakes him for her boyfriend, Neil. She says that he looks just like Neil and George becomes obsessed with meeting him. But Danielle falls for George and he must keep ahead of Neil. George asks her to move in to top coffee with Neil, but a blueberry crepe explodes in Neils face and Danielle goes back to him.
The Nap 4/10/97 George has been up until 4 a.m. watching the Omen and is really tired. But he can't sleep at work because of the windows. But then he sees his desk is big enough to fit in and take a nap. So he asks Jerry to borrow his carpenter to fix up the desk. While sleeping, Steinbrenner comes in and doesn't leave even with a bomb threat, called in by Jerry (he wants fitted hats given out instead of the adjustable ones--he's a size 7 5/8). Later on, Steinbrenner thinks there is a bomb in George's desk (it's his alarm clock). Steinbrenner sends in the bomb squad and their robot. They find a Playboy (Elle McPherson on the cover) and a snickers bar in his drawer. At the end of the show, George is sleeping in Jerry's cabinets.
The Yada Yada 4/24/97 George's girlfriend, Marcy, introduces the yada yada phrase--she's a shoplifter. At lunch, she mentions that her ex-boyfriend came over last night and yada yada she's really tired. George freaks out and makes her tell her the details--no more yada yada! She goes shopping for shoes and gets arrested. We also find out something curious--George is able to find Jerry anywhere in the city. He even finds him in a confessional booth at a church!
The Millennium 5/1/97 George finds out that the Mets are interested in him. Over lunch, they say they want him to be the head scouting director, but they need him to be fired before the Mets can offer him the job. So, George goes to extreme measures to get fired. He wears Babe Ruth's uniform and stains it, but it backfires because Steinbrenner thinks it's a great idea--break with the past! Then he streaks the Yankee-Oriole game (the score is 2-1 Yankees when he does it), well he wears a body suit and the fans love him! The last step--drive around the parking lot with a megaphone spewing insults and dragging a World Series trophy behind his car (he's extension 5170). But Wilhelm takes the blame and gets the Mets job.
The Muffin Tops 5/8/97 Some guy on the street asks George to watch his bags for him. The guy doesn't come back and George takes his clothes. He even wears them--and looks like a tourist. Since Wilhelm took the Mets job, George has his job and it's downtown, but he doesn't know how to get there. This perfects his tourist persona and he runs into Maryann, from the visitor's bureau, and claims to be a tourist from Little Rock, Arkansas. Going to extreme measures, again, he moves into a hotel, says he works at Tyler Chicken, and has a three-legged dog named Willie, just to get the girl. It works, too. But then Steinbrenner finds out that he is moonlighting and trades him to Tyler Chicken for concession stand chicken.
The Summer of George 5/15/97 George gets three months severance pay from the Yankees and vows to change his life for the summer. Jerry's new girl is too much for him to handle, so George volunteers (relationship intern) to help him out. George's last task is to take care of some party invitations, but gets distracted and plays frolf (frisbee golf). On the way up to his apartment, he drops one of the glossy envelopes on the stairs and then slips on it on the way out. He has to go to the hospital (same doctor as in "The Invitations") and is diagnosed with atrophy in the legs.